Bill Of No Rights
For the terminally confused, who are incapable of understanding the United
States' Articles of Amendment or Bill of Rights...
"We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone
get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt free
liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one
more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal, bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people are confused
by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a "Bill of No Rights."
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is
guaranteeing anything. Earn your own money for your toys.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is
based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone --not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the
world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; if you shoot yourself, don't
blame the gun manufacturer. Burn yourself with coffee...read the label and don't
drink the stuff while you're trying to weave in and out of traffic. Do not
expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
wealthy because you cut your finger with their product.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are
the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but
we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice,
but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health
care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the
rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still
won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of
leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their
lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd
like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to
take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid
before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if
you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you
who were confused by the Bill of Rights."
Courtesy of State Representative of GA, Mitchell Kaye
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